Archive for January, 2010

Back from Hiatus

Sunday, January 31st, 2010

I apologize for the three-day blog blackout. Bob and I were in Wisconsin for the memorial service of one of Bob’s old family friends. It was a wonderful experience reconnecting with the children of the deceased (Bob’s contemporaries) and meeting all of his grandchildren. We spent all day Friday being part of their family’s remembrances and gatherings. We plan to stay connected with the family better in the future. Friendships, especially ones with shared history, warmth and supportive relationships, are treasures to cherish and sustain.

On one of our flights I started looking through Drawing on the Right Side of the Brain. It looks like the perfect thing for me to work on next, both for drawing and supporting my efforts to uncover undiscovered pieces of myself and my unique creativity. Tomorrow I will start on the exercises and begin working my way through the book.  More on that as time goes on.

On the flight to Wisconsin I read most of a book called Living Witness by Jane Haddam. It’s a modern mystery novel set in a small town in Pennsylvania and concerns some murders which everyone assumes are the result of sometimes poisonous tensions between fundamentalist Christians and other residents over putting a notice about where to find more information about intelligent design inside the covers of the local public school’s science textbooks. The author does a great job of creating believable characters on both sides of the divide. Her detective, who appears in many of her other books, is the somewhat neutral sounding board for the charged emotions and opinions of the other characters. I’d recommend the book, partly because Haddam does such a good job of describing how difficult it is for people to really listen and debate without defensiveness, righteousness and judgment. It would be wonderful if more people (including me) would cultivate the skill and art of disagreeing and remaining connected and in community with people we disagree with.

As a result of reading the book, I also spent some time today looking through a bunch of the resources on evolution on the National Center for Science Education’s website, which the author recommended in her afterword. I bookmarked a bunch of stuff there and hope to work my way through it. On the subject of evolution, I also highly recommend a book by local author Lyanda Lynn Haupt, Pilgrim on the Great Bird Continent: The Importance of Everything and Other Lessons from Darwin’s Lost Notebooks.

Back to the routine tomorrow and what I choose to do with the new day.

Feeling Left Out

Wednesday, January 27th, 2010

It’s been a hard day in some ways. I’m sure it didn’t help that I got to bed really late, had a hard time falling asleep and then didn’t sleep at all well. We’re also leaving on a short trip to Wisconsin tomorrow, which will be good in terms of seeing Bob’s family and friends, but also a sad occasion.

Today one of my staff colleagues and I agreed to a recommendation to School Meeting that we not repair the school’s broken down bus. School Meeting accepted our recommendation. There’s no replacement right now, either, so I’m feeling really unhappy about not being able to ride the bus to school, possibly for the rest of the school year. I hate driving my personal car to school and back the three days I work. I may try to make public transit work by driving to a park & ride lot that serves a bus with a good connection to the local Bothell bus. In any case, I’m not looking forward to commuting to work.

The other big hit was the news that one of my staff friends has been invited to Sudbury Valley to serve on their diploma committee in May. I was also invited this year by Fairhaven School to serve on their committee, but their dates conflicted with Clearwater’s Whistlepig festival and I declined their invitation. I was able to serve on Sudbury Valley’s diploma committee the first year they adopted this current diploma procedure, a wonderful and profound experience. Now, I’m feeling left out and jealous that I won’t be having a similar experience. My friend is rightly very excited by the prospect and my jealousy feels mean and niggardly. I think our family’s financial uncertainty is also playing into these feelings of deprivation.

I tend to hold all this in because I’m embarrassed to have such horrible, unjust feelings. When I did serve on other schools’ diploma committees in the past, I felt some sort of judgment on the part of other Clearwater staff because they didn’t like the sound of those diploma procedures. I wonder if what I sensed was not judgment but curiosity, and maybe what I was really sensing was my own projection. I should really check that out and see what everyone was really thinking and feeling.

I am looking forward to getting out of town, if even for a short time and even though it’s going to be way below freezing the whole time we’re there. Perhaps it will be invigorating.

Dashing Off A Post

Tuesday, January 26th, 2010

I spent much of the evening fighting with blogger to get a photo-dense blog post up for the school. I will be switching to wordpress for the school blog soon. Blogger is just too clunky and takes a lot of futzing with the html to get it to look decent.

I loved sitting in on the Warrior Cats play at school. It’s so much fun to see kids developing the ability to not only take on characters (which they do naturally), but to also work at keeping a through line within their characters and in interactions with other characters, develop an audience sensibility when viewing their own work, and to stay focused enough to work through a scene several times to get the timing and action right.

“Ah, a bird wedding,” declared the five-year-old girl carpooling with me this evening upon seeing a deciduous tree full of crows gathered to roost for the night. I’m preserving that utterly lovely and delightful perspective in my soul.

Frustration, Absent Friend

Monday, January 25th, 2010

I was in Bellevue this morning at a dental lab because they haven’t yet succeeded in matching a new crown with my front teeth. They wanted to see my teeth in person. Once I got there, they asked me if my dentist had loosened the temporary crown so they could put on the porcelain one and match it more exactly. My dentist’s office hadn’t told me I should do that, and the lab people were unable to remove the temporary without risk of breaking it. I could have returned to Seattle with a missing front tooth crown (hardly attractive) and waited for my dentist to make a new temporary, but I had already arranged to meet a friend at Bellevue College for lunch, so I didn’t want them to remove the temporary by breaking it and run around with a missing front tooth at BC. Instead they held different samples up to my teeth, took pictures and hoped they could get closer to matching the new crown to the color of my teeth.

Needless to say it was a very frustrating experience to go all the way over there and not get things resolved because no one had told me that I needed to come with a loosened temporary crown. At this point, if the new crown is a close enough color match, I’m not going to worry about it. My dentist, who seems to be a fussy perfectionist, may stew about it, but I don’t want to spend any more time on it. I especially don’t want to make another trip to the Bellevue lab.

Bob and Ian accompanied me to meet our friend for lunch at BC. Since I had to be in Bellevue anyway, I thought I just as well do something fun while I was there. I’d never been to the campus and it was kind of weird. Lots of parking lots, few trees, prodigious amounts of cars (not unusual for Bellevue) and blocky concrete buildings designed by either a hack architect in the 70s or someone forced to design institutional buildings that were economical and ugly. There were a lot of students hanging out, taking class and walking around, so it seemed pretty vibrant in spite of the bankrupt physical aesthetics of the place. It was fun hanging out with our friend for a little while, anyway.

Bob learned today that an old family friend died yesterday, the patriarch of a family that was like a second famiy while he was growing up. He and I will fly to Milwaukee on Thursday so we can attend the memorial service on Friday. I’ve met various family members at different times and are fond of them, so I’m looking forward to seeing the adult kids of this man and his widow again. We’ll also have a little time to visit with Bob’s parents, which will be good.

I’m hoping to have some time on the flight and when we’re not visiting with family to do some drawing. A change of scenery will be good, too. This has turned into a completely unpredictable week.

Film and Cookies

Sunday, January 24th, 2010

Usually I come up with a title and then start writing the post. Today I’m going to write the post first and see what title emerges afterward.

This morning five people were here to record voices for an independent short animation project. It was the first time Bob used the sound studio to record for someone he didn’t know at all. He responded to a request for studio time on NW Film Forum’s callboard. It went well and the producer, director and actors were pleased with the space and the result. Bad Alien will get a credit on the film, which they hope will be picked up by several film festivals. Having seen a bit of it, I think they have a good chance.

It was good to establish a contact with other people in the local film community. The producer, in particular, seemed pretty savvy and knowledgable, so he’s a good person to know. One of the voice actors retired a couple of years ago from sales of heavy electrical equipment. He is not at all afraid to put himself out there, thanks to his many years of experience calling people constantly to try to sell them stuff.

He told a great story of calling the Fischer flour mill purchaser once a week for three years, just to check if the Fischer guy wanted to buy any of his products. No sale–for three years. Then one day he called and got a different guy, whom he knew a little from his frequent contact with the company. The salesman asked about the Fischer purchase manager and was told that he had retired. The guy on the phone was the new purchaser and immediately told the sales guy that there were some things he wanted. This former salesman commented that it never hurts to keep asking, keep yourself in the picture. You don’t lose anything by continuing to knock on the door. I liked his story and his philosophy.

I’ve been putting off filing state excise taxes for Bad Alien Productions and Fleebag Studios, but got it done today a few days before the deadline. It’s not that hard, just a little time-consuming and boring. At least I don’t have to worry about that for another year. The next big task is filing for Bad Alien’s trademark through the federal trademark office. That will be a little more involved.

Ian and I watched a rock documentary, Metallica: Some Kind of Monster today. It was fascinating and ultimately hopeful. It basically tracks the band’s journey of tribulation and self-discovery over almost three years trying to make a new album in the early 2000s. I was especially jazzed to see a short bit of footage of James Hetfield (lead singer and guitarist) doing vocal warmup exercises. They never show that in rock documentaries. It demonstrated that rock gods have to practice and take care of their voices (if they want to sing for the long term) just like every other singer.

This evening we chilled out and watched Amelie. We haven’t seen it in several years, and it was just as delightful this time around. It was good to sit and relax this evening for a change. I baked some oatmeal/dried cranberry and oatmeal/chocolate chip cookies that I stirred up earlier in the day. Delicious!

Ordinary Day

Saturday, January 23rd, 2010

It’s been another day of household activities: making dinner, cleaning the downstairs, breaking down a bunch of cardboard boxes for recyling that have stacked up, making a big batch of refried beans and freezing packages for future use, doing some more laundry.

We had a Bad Alien production meeting, as we do most every Saturday morning. Bob showed off his sound studio, which is looking very impressive and professional. Tomorrow he will be recording voice tracks for an animator’s short film. I’m looking forward to seeing how that goes for everyone involved. I’ll be making cookies for people to munch on and keep their energy going while they’re recording.

Today I saw in the paper that Evergreen Bank, our community bank, was closed by federal regulators and all assets were purchased by Umpqua Bank, an Oregon-based bank that is looking to grow. I had known the bank was on the watch list and had been given an ultimatum by the feds, but I hoped they could pull it out. We’ve been very happy with Evergreen and I feel sad that the economic crisis has hit small banks like ours. I’ll be looking around for another local bank, since I like keeping money in the community. Umpqua is not as local as I’d like and it sounds like it just wants to “bigger” itself, which does not inspire confidence or appeal to me.

I also read that actress Jean Simmons died yesterday at the age of 80. I always enjoyed her performances in the movies I saw her in. She was a classy actress.

Time to clean up the kitchen after creating a lot of dirty dishes making dinner.

Very Early Morning Post

Saturday, January 23rd, 2010

This is going to be short and sweet because it’s so late. I’ve been buzzing around the house a lot of the day doing household tasks and chores. Bob’s been up late too putting the finishing touches on the revamped sound studio room downstairs.

I realized about half an hour ago that my purse was missing and that I’d probably left it at the pub a few blocks from our house where we had dinner tonight. I hoofed it up there (thank goodness bars are open so late) and sure enough someone had found it and put it in the employee area for safe keeping. I’d hung it over the back of my chair and walked out without it. Everything was still there, so that’s a relief.

Sweet dreams.

Nothing is Ever Simple

Friday, January 22nd, 2010

Today had its ups and downs. There were some intense discussions between us four staff about some significant things that came up this week. They were not intense emotionally, but intense in terms of the amount of time we spent focusing on these issues and in terms of the reality that some things are not clear and it is difficult to know how to proceed. I felt agitated and anxious about the uncertainty. Talking at length was not comforting. I realize as I write this how much I expect and need discussion to reveal answers, solutions, resolution. When it doesn’t, the whole foundation of the world, of life itself, feels shaky and I feel afraid on an elemental, fundamental level.

Hmm. Sounds like I need to look at how uncomfortable I feel with uncertainty and be willing to sit with it. Time to cultivate conscious equanimity and acceptance rather than knee-jerk panic and desperate solution seeking. I suspect sitting with that discomfort may allow for creative responses to emerge, which would absolutely include curiousity about what I’m feeling.

Despite my anxiety, I did notice something wonderful. The days are obviously longer now. I got home a little after 5pm this evening and it wasn’t dark yet! A month past solstice and the lengthening days are noticable. My spirit feels lighter already.

Bob and I accompanied friends to another friend’s performance with Playback Theatre Northwest, an improv troupe. We always love spending time with these friends–easy conversation, lots of laughter–and the improv was enjoyable, too.

When I started this post, I wasn’t sure what I would talk about. I’m fascinated by the fact that, as I wrote, my interpretation of what I experienced today changed and I got more information about it. That’s pretty cool. One more thing I need to mention–I haven’t done any drawing since last week and I haven’t sung for three or four days. Time to get back on the wagon. It’s a good thing I have a date with tomorrow.

Warmth

Wednesday, January 20th, 2010

Today was another day that I spent quite a bit of time outdoors. Not only was it warm, it was sunny during the first part of the day. In spots, the temperature had to be over 60 degrees. I had a lot of varied interactions with staff and students, which always makes for a good day. Two different students found me so they could show me something cool.

One showed me some animal footprints in the shallow water of the creek. Later in the day an older student who knows a lot about animal tracks looked at the same tracks and concluded they are raccoon tracks. They’re pretty striking under water. The blue stripe at the right of the photo is a shadow on the water.

Underwater footprints

Underwater footprints

Another student wanted to show me a hut she and some friends had built out of leftover planks from a building project, downed branches and the spent flowering/seed stalks standing in the surrounding pasture area. They had crafted a cozy den-like space against the trunk of a cedar tree. It was a dwelling for her character in the ongoing role playing game she and her friends have created and continue to spin most days. I was captivated by it, partly because it brought back memories of similar shelters I had crafted during my childhood on our family farm.

It felt so much like spring today. The excitement of being outside was palpable and students of all ages engaged in industrious and creative play. Very few people chose to stay inside.

On a different topic altogether, this week I’m noticing a change in my ability to venture my opinion and observations. I don’t know that I’m saying anything different or profound, but for whatever reason I am giving myself space and permission to say what I’m thinking soon after I think it. My intention to reveal myself more, in part through this blog, is bearing fruit. It feels good and so far nobody has slapped me (figuratively speaking) for saying something dumb or obvious. Hurrah!

Softness

Tuesday, January 19th, 2010

Today I spent a lot of time outside. It was warm for winter, soft gray skies and more signs of spring. On my walk this morning, the daffodil shoots I mentioned in an early January post were 4 to 5 inches tall and flower buds have emerged.

At school, a big, old snag fell down in the weekend’s wind storm, shattering into many large pieces. For more than a year, a number of students  have been playing an ongoing game in the area around the dead snag. They were very excited about the fallen tree and ran to get me. I followed them and stayed outside for a while, taking photos, enjoying the soft air and delighting in their game. Later in the day I went back to the snag and saw a Bewick’s wren, a couple of towhees and a red-breasted sapsucker hopping on and near the downed snag.

The snag before it fell

The snag before it fell

Fallen snag extends to background sign & beyond

Fallen snag extends to background sign & beyond

Later. I walked across the Clearwater Commons with a group of students to the gas station and back. A bunch of kids played outdoor games most of the afternoon, enjoying the mild weather. The hazelnut catkins are lengthening and looking showy in a muted way, and a pussy willow is already popping out soft catkins.

Soft pussy willow catkins are already emerging

Soft pussy willow catkins are already emerging

It was a good day.